Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
