I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
