Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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