I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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