oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize