I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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