well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
