Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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