watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
