I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
