Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
