Will you blow on my dice?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
vagina is talking i cant
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
