Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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