I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
