Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize