I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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