do herpes really smell.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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