i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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