There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
