i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
