My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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