we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
