great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
