Tell her she can't have a vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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