He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How naked do you want me to be?
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