There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
