i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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