Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
