so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
