I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ladies don't puke and tell
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
