I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
