i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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