And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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