he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
