my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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