at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize