a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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