im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
