Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
this hospital has no fireball
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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