How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
