I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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