We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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