you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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