there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
