my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
