how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
