ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
