hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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