clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
