Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
