the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
