I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
