He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
