You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please come you make the beer taste better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
