So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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