this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
