he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize