1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
