after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
