I'm drive I can fine osifer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
