I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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