Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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