Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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