Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
