So drunk its hurt
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
