After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm just crazy horny about you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
