I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
