high people should be assigned attendants
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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