what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
