Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
