I got her a Nickelback box set.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
