I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
