I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
