She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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