Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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