you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
