A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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