I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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