if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just invented taco cereal.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
