I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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