Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
