I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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