Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize