he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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