I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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