Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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