Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
